I'm out of breath. My heart is racing, sweat dripping from my forehead. But I am delaying my shower because it is important to write down the way I feel RIGHT now, at THIS moment. Because if I don't, I'm afraid I'll forget how amazing I feel after working out. And I. feel. awesome.
When I'm running, I feel like I can do anything. I'm a total rock star. Sometimes, I imagine that I'm outrunning a cheetah or a tornado, and I'm winning! Other times, I imagine that someone tries to attack me while running, and I go all kung-fu on them and kick them so hard they don't have a clue what hit em. The cops come to the scene and congratulate me on my amazing ninja fighting skills. I won't lie - when I'm listening to my workout music, I feel pretty dang bad-ass. Especially when I'm jammin' to NSYNC or the Backstreet Boys. Yea you read that right! I work out to boy bands. They make me feel good about myself. Especially when One Direction calls me "baby" and tells me that I'm beautiful in my sweats.
Please don't think I'm kidding myself. I am fully aware that I DO NOT look cool when I'm running...far from it. In fact, I'm not even sure it counts as running. To the teenage skateboarder that I passed tonight, I'm sure I looked to be near death - all bent over, holding my side, and gasping for air whilst still trying to hum the tune to "Raise Your Glass" with my my ear buds in. I know I look ridiculous.....but I FEEL like a celebrity, and that's what's important.
I write this because tomorrow I will try to convince myself that today was a fluke, a mistake, a habit I knew I could never continue. When I eat that 2nd piece of chocolate cake that is sitting my refrigerator, I'll tell myself that it is pointless to go for a jog because I'd have to run to Oklahoma just to burn off a single piece. And when I go a few days without working out, I'll try to convince myself that I was never really good at it, that it was never an attainable goal, that I was foolish to think I could keep up the act, that I was only pretending to be something I never was.
But that is total crap! A few months ago, I gave up Facebook - something I thought I could never do because it was freaking hard. And at first, it was. But then, little by little, it got easier. And each day that passed by without checking my newsfeed was one more small victory for me until eventually, I stopped thinking about it almost entirely. I learned that I CAN DO HARD THINGS! So here's to New Year's resolutions in April. I vow to work out 3 times a week from this day forth. Because, despite all the lies I will tell myself tomorrow, I really do actually enjoy it. And because it makes me feel good about myself, and because I want to be a healthy mom for my girls. And because I need as many extra endorphins as I can rack up to help me stay happy for them throughout the day. :) And of course, because I want to look hot in my swimsuit when June rolls around.
Writing this down makes me accountable. No more excuses. No more blaming others for my failure to act. From now on, only action! Here goes!
P.S. What's your favorite song to work out to? I'm taking suggestions!